Discipline, Order, and Love: Why Dustin Maletich’s Parenting Moment Matters

Dustin Maletich.

There was Harrison Butker who gave a commencement speech at a Catholic university. He encouraged woman to consider being a mother and homemaker as a career choice.

There was Daniel Penny who stood up to save people being threatened on a subway in New York City.

Now there’s Dustin Maletich.

Recently, Dustin’s wife, Katie, posted a video of their son being disciplined by Dustin. Along with the video, she added the following post:

I will never stop being grateful to be raising kids with a real man who knows how to be a father, especially to his boys. This is masculinity. I was trying to send a work email while making breakfast for my family and my son kept asking me to use my phone after I had repeatedly told him “No, you need to wait.” His dad overheard him tell me to “chill” and here is how he handled it:

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In the video, their young son can be heard telling his mom Katie to "chill" after being told he can't use her phone. The comment is heard by his stepdad, Dustin. Immediately, Dustin makes it known that it is not okay. Dustin asks his young stepson if he did in fact tell his mom to "chill". And when he replies 'yes', Dustin asks him to start doing pushups (and to "count 'em"). After doing 10, he says, "How many? I can't do anymore." Dustin replies, "Keep going." He hits 14 reps, and Dustin encourages him to do 2 more, telling him that he can do it.

Once he hit 16 reps, Dustin tells him to stand up to do a series of squats. After he finishes up his squats, Dustin asks him, "Do we tell our mom to chill out?" Their son replies, "No," and Dustin adds, "Absolutely not. I will not let you talk to her like that. I wouldn't let anyone else talk to her like that, so you don't get to talk to her like that, okay?"

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After this, Dustin opens his arms to hug him, and their son walks towards Katie as he says, "Sorry, mom." Katie says, "Thank you, buddy." And Dusting tells him, "Hey. I love you," before he goes to him for another hug and a kiss on the head.

Social media is a blessing and a curse. Had Katie not posted the video, no one would have ever been made aware of this interaction. But having posted it, they received a good bit of backlash. I first saw the video on Fox News. After that, it was everywhere and everyone had an opinion.

Here's mine.

Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Well done, Dad. (The fact the he is the boy’s stepdad makes the story even more compelling to me.)

Many viewers criticized the couple's handling of discipline using exercise. One viewer commented, "Yes, but don’t use exercise and forms of self-improvement as punishments." Another added, "I love the words, but he’s at risk of teaching his kid that exercise is punishment and something you HAVE to do when you’ve done something wrong. That said, it’s a perfect example of why boys need a good male role model in their lives too." And another commented, "He doesn’t need to be humiliated… a conversation would solve the problem. He’s not in the army… I’d hate if my husband did that to my boy."

The couple did a follow up video to discuss the use of exercise as a punishment.

We both don’t really like the term “punishment” and much prefer to describe any parental corrections as a disciplinary consequence. We aren’t perfect at it but our main goal in parenting is to always be intentional and not reactionary.

We believe wholeheartedly that as long as physical activity is a daily part of our home and something that 90% of the time is fun & positive, that hopefully that is the association our kids will have with it and that they will learn that as they get older, when there are times life feels too much, their emotions are controlling them or they feel too frustrated to function… they’ll remember how much exercise helped center them and regulate them as a kid and instead of shutting down or lashing out at someone, they’ll just hit the gym or go for a jog.

One person on social media chastised Mr.Maletich for chastising his stepson unnecessarily. Whew! The boy was disrespectful to his mother. Mr. Maletich’s point is well taken. “I wouldn’t let someone else talk to (my wife) like that, so you don’t get to talk to her like that.”

A man’s first calling is to his God, then his wife, and then his children….in that order. Order matters to God. When a spiritual entity, like the family, gets out of order, there is confusion. Order results in peace. The man is the covering for the wife and the children in the home. This man took his rightful place as husband AND father by putting order back into the home. He was instinctive and intentional from the moment of the infraction.

He verified the information. “Did you tell your mother to chill”?

He took immediate action. Were there other options? Perhaps. Spanking? Time out? A sit-down conversation? I like the angle taken that exercise is a constructive way to diffuse any tension, anger, or frustration. Physical exertion is a positive way to let off some steam. I’m also guessing that by the boy’s response to his father’s dictate, this pattern was not new to their home life. The boy responded immediately without being belligerent or disrespectful. The foundations had been laid well before this in the boy’s life. He knew what he had done and he knew he was wrong.

One person noted that the father pushed the boy too far by asking him to do ‘2 more’ pushups after he said he couldn’t do anymore. 2 more? That’s MORE than reasonable. Pushing your children to do a little more or a little better is what parents should be doing.

One of the (many) things I love about the Bible is how God ‘punishes’ His children. Adam and Eve. David. Moses. Every punishment is commensurate with the offense. We’re not God and in the moment, it’s sometimes difficult to consider the best consequence commensurate with the offense when dealing with our children. Exercise as consequence is/should always be an option on the table.

Next, he explains to the boy why there are consequences for his actions. There’s a connection between what you did and why you’re being punished. When possible, I liked to frame punishment in view of rebellion. I would say something like, “If you do this/that again, you will get a spanking.” You see? Now, if it happens again, it is rebellion. I have no choice but to execute the the punishment. I always tried to connect punishment to rebellion, when I could. That’s the way God did with His children.

But, what I like best about this whole pattern is the reconciliation at the end. The father is not angry. He’s not emotional. Punishment is judicial. Afterwards, Dustin opens his arms and gives the boy a hug. The boy apologizes to his mother and the father tells him that he is loved.

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Some people didn’t like the fact that Katie didn’t get involved in the process. She had a great response to this in a follow up post:

Ladies. Please stop stepping on your man’s toes when he is trying to parent y’alls kids. You should respect your man enough to not disrespect them in this way. We need to let dads be dads… which just so we are clear, is different than what we offer as moms. WHICH IS A GOOD THING. Kids should get both! They need nurturing from mom and they need tough love from dad. Kids should have a strong masculine father figure, so stop stomping on their masculinity and let them parent.

I had a philosophy that every man was the king of his own kingdom. That philosophy doesn’t sit well in today’s culture because it’s been abused and mishandled. I also find that people generally don’t understand the spiritual implications of what that means. I wanted my boys to understand that too. I would regularly tell them that they will someday have their own castle and rule their own kingdom. It was my job to show them how to do that and train them to be good kings. By all indications, it appears that Dustin and Katie are doing that with their boys too. I’m certain that their future wives and children will be grateful.

Since posting, Katie’s original post has gotten millions of likes. Dustin and Katie have my ‘like’ too. Well done.