Raising Boys With an Artistic Bent

Not every one of our boys is meant to bench press 500 pounds, run a 10-second 100-meter dash, or throw a punch like Mike Tyson. Many young boys could care less about making a clutch basket to win the NCAA Basketball Championship, hit a walk off home run in the World Series, or drain a 15-footer for birdie to win the Masters on the 18^th hole. It just isn’t in them to care about these things.

That’s quite alright.

A tragic mistake that a father can make is trying to fit a square pet in a round hole. Men who try and achieve their own childhood dreams through their sons are turning their kids into immortality symbols and living in idolatry. God will demand a sacrifice and it won’t be pretty. Just ask Abraham.

In our book, “Boys Have a Dam Problem: Examining the Faults that Put Our Boys in Crisis”, we discuss a critical interpretation of a key verse: Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old, they shall not depart from it.

There is much to unpack in this verse, for which you should buy the book and read about it. However, just a quick perusal of the verse talks about “the way they should go”. The language here is according to a child’s ‘bent’. This interesting word means inclination. Parents who are paying attention will regularly see glimpses of this ‘bent’ in a child’s (innocent) activities and responses. If you’re paying the least bit of attention, their gifts often show themselves in immature ways….but they are visible for the intentional parent.

Going a bit deeper…

Ephesians 2:10 says, “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for us to do.” I LOVE to talk about this verse in light of eternity. What I mean is that what we are ‘to do’ should be framed in FOREVER. Our real ‘work’ begins in eternity, the Kingdom of God, and it will go on forever. Whatever God has given us to do (purpose, an integral part of manhood), he has given us to do it forever. This life is about building character in such a way that we can be more fully released (and trusted) to do that work forever. (For a more theological treatise on this subject, read “The Divine Conspiracy” by Dallas Willard.)

Going back to our verse in Proverbs, our job as parents is to partner with God in bringing forth and ‘aiming’ this calling and the associated gifts (and I would suggest personality) in our children. A good parent wants their child to succeed and be fulfilled doing whatever it is they love to do. How much more does God want that for his children? Thus, we are called to ‘TREIGN UP’ a child in the way THEY should go; not how WE want them to go.

As I began this article, I mentioned boys who are not athletically inclined. I want to specifically speak about boys who have an artistic bent. I was raised on a farm by a man who lived his whole life serving the farm. It was a hard life in a by-gone era. Survival was accomplished by the family and if everyone didn’t pitch in, then the farm and the family didn’t survive. The family was above the individual. Now, the entire family revolves around the children. But somewhere in this cultural shift about families, a man demanded the same of his son(s) that was demanded of him by his father. The angst was that I didn’t have that same bent. I wanted to sing and dance. My only stage was the living room with the picture window and I played to the darkness; but I gave the night everything I had on that tiny stage. It didn’t normally end with applause. Normally, it ended with my father beating on the downstairs ceiling and yelling to keep the noise down. You can imagine the ensuing drama that unfolded over the years of adolescence. If only…

I only bring it up to show that I understand the dilemma. Here’s the thing: I could have done both if my father would have just supported me in the things that I loved to do. There was room to be a good worker on the farm AND guide me on a path that would have better suited to that bent. Instead of wasting every summer working for a pipeline or in a bookstore, I could have been making money and honing skills in local parks or other entertainment venues. With the smallest of encouragement or support, I could have gained valuable experience and training. I had the talent.

I know parents who have a young boy who LOVES musical theatre. It’s in his mother’s genes. The father had another son from a previous marriage who became an elite special forces officer in the Army. This guy is an absolute beast. You might think that the father is ‘hands-off’ with this second son. But he is 100% engaged and supportive. It is the rarest of jewels. This second son is also involved in Boy Scouts, and camping, and he engages in our Treign UP events. This is a man who understands what it means to ‘train up a child in the way he should go.’ No one is ‘pushing’ this boy into the arts. Similarly, they are not ‘pushing’ him to play basketball. They are partnering with God to develop the natural (and obvious) giftings that he has passion and skill to do.

I am currently watching the episodic dramas, “The House of David” on television. If EVER there was a case study on this topic, it would be David. What to do with a boy like young David? He was an artist. What flowed out of his life was music and song. Did Jesse ever see it? Did Jesse ever encourage his son in regards to his music or even dance? (We know that David loved to dance!) Of all the men that ever lived, the Bible says of David, “He was a man after God’s own heart.” (1 Samuel 13:14). Note that he was a MAN. David was a man’s man too. The final scene of the first season is David defeating Goliath. I recommend the whole series for any man and his son, but THIS scene especially is the heart and soul of masculinity.

The artist; musician, dancer, singer slayed a giant. Oddly enough, the writers of “The House of David” decided to make David’s mother the voice of his encouragement. She is the one who lent David’s artistic bent its wings. She watched from windows as he played his games, tended the sheep, and played his harp. She spoke the spiritual mantra that would guide his days: “deep calls to deep”. And she was the one who spoke to Jesse as she lay dying on her bed, “Let him RISE.”

None of that is biblical but something about it rings true. We don’t know. If I was writing it, I would have used those same words, but from the mouth of Jesse. Oh, how beautiful when a father sees the gifts in his sons and determines to partner with God to bring about the unique and special purposes they were created to do…forever. Let Him rise!