The Formula For Raising Exceptional Leaders

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Captains Coach

In 2017, I set out on a daring quest, one that would change my life and the lives of countless young athletes. I founded a sports leadership company, Captains Coach, with a clear and compelling mission: to empower athletes to lead their teams more effectively and enable coaches to systematically develop them in their team.

Oh, what a journey it's been.

Financial abundance? Maybe not so much. But a treasure trove of intellectual wealth, life-changing encounters, and invaluable wisdom? Absolutely. This voyage allowed me to plunge headfirst into years of deep thinking, hands-on teaching, and expansive exploration of what truly constitutes great leadership. I emerged an expert in learning psychology and creating transformative experiences that could fundamentally shift perspectives and beliefs of those I was privileged to serve.

This path led me on a fantastic expedition through Christianity, the inner intricacies of the human psyche, the profound teachings of Carl Jung, and so much more. Over the course of a decade, a wealth of wisdom unfolded before me, an intriguing mix of insights gleaned from both sports leadership and the intriguing world of Army Psychological Warfare. This wealth is not for me to hoard, but to share generously with you.

Now, let me reveal the recipe I've formulated to cultivate leadership skills that may seem intangible but are very much real and accessible. If you're a parent hoping to train your boy to become an outstanding leader, here's my four-step guide to making that dream a reality:

1. Define Leadership: Clearly articulate what it means to lead.

2. Experience Leadership: Immerse them in situations where they can witness and practice leadership.

3. Speak Leadership: Speak blessings over them and encourage them in this skillset

4. Teach Leadership: Provide tools, models, and other education to broaden their understanding

Let's deep-dive into each of these steps to unmask the captivating complexities and simple truths they each hold. Get ready to embark on a riveting journey of growth and discovery. The world needs more great leaders. And together, we can help create them.

Define It

Let’s start by defining it.

Dictinary.com states that a leader is someone who can influence and inspire others to achieve a common goal. John Maxwell states it more plainly….

“Leadership is influence. Nothing more and nothing less.”

This stripped-down perspective appeals to me greatly. Why? Because it transforms leadership into something more tangible, more empirical, something you can literally grasp and comprehend. The realm of influence, after all, is not a barren wasteland. It's a richly researched field, brimming with insights and actionable information.

“the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself.”

This, my friends, is reality. Influence happens, tangibly and substantially, every day in the real world. My background in Army Psychological Warfare ingrained in me the art and science of persuading, changing, and influencing. It's real and measurable (although that can sometimes be difficult).

However, a troubling trend often accompanies leadership discourse: a propensity for generalities. Leadership isn't just some abstract theory to be bandied about in vague terms; it's a practical, real-world skill to be honed and utilized. But how do we move away from these generalities and into the realm of measurable action? Let's unravel this mystery together.

Develop It

In my career as a coach, I've frequently observed that "everyone knows the answer in the classroom." A common pitfall of many leadership development courses is this disconnect: knowledge without experience doesn't reliably translate into real-world capability. From my own research and hands-on experience, I can confidently say: the most effective way to get better at leading is by leading.

One learning approach that reflects this philosophy is the 70/20/10 rule. If you aim to hone a skill, your training environment should consist of:

• 70% hands-on execution

• 20% feedback and reflection

• 10% formal instruction

Want to nurture your son's leadership potential? Offer him opportunities to lead. This is where the realm of sports unveils its tremendous value. In my eyes, sports serve as the perfect incubator to foster leadership. Sadly, coaches sometimes deprive kids of this potential by maintaining an iron grip on leadership. In reality, it's the young athletes who should be leading their teams.

Many boys have a deep-seated passion for their sport and their team. They yearn for victory. Sports are among the few arenas where boys fully engage and invest their energies. This potent mixture of passion and commitment sets the perfect stage for leadership growth. Whenever feasible, let them call the shots, run practices, and manage rewards and consequences.

Will they fail sometimes? Most definitely. But that's not a weakness - it's a powerful learning opportunity.

A far more detrimental approach would be to constantly hold their hands through life, robbing them of chances to stand on their own.

Aside from leadership opportunities, it's crucial for your son to acquire a broad range of skills. Think of leadership as a tool belt. The more tools at your disposal, the greater your capacity to influence. Mastery in a particular domain elevates your leadership potential because people are more inclined to heed your counsel. Skills such as effective communication, public speaking, domain-specific competence, organization, strategy, conflict resolution, and management can all be harnessed to influence your surroundings. A diverse and deep skillset invariably leads to higher impact.

Create an environment for your child that offers plentiful leadership opportunities and simultaneously pushes them to develop valuable skills.

And there you have it - the 70% of your “training” should revolve around just giving them the opportunity to lead.

Speak Into It

One of the most exhilarating aspects of my research over the past half-decade has been delving into the science of identity and belief. This exploration was sparked by a foundational principle of leadership from Warren Bennis, who declared:

"Self-expression is the essence of leadership."

This simple but profound statement sent me on a deep dive into understanding "the self" – its origin, its evolution, and the journey of "becoming."

Two primary revelations emerged from this exploration. The first was the narrative theory of identity, which posits that we are, in essence, the stories we tell ourselves. And these stories wield immense power. Our brains are hardwired to resonate with narratives. Storytelling is one of the most effective communication tools we possess and can significantly shape our worldview.

Why does this matter so profoundly? As my research unfolded, it became apparent that our self-narrative forms the core of our motivations, the 'why' behind our actions. Our self-perception, our belief about who we are, is a critical driving force behind the behaviors we exhibit and, consequently, the outcomes we experience in life.

Thus, it's essential to speak blessings into your child's life. Shower them with encouragement, balanced with honesty and fairness. If they err, communicate this, but frame it within the context of their identity.

For instance, say something like: "Johnny, you didn't speak up like you usually do. That's not reflective of who you truly are. Next time, step into your authentic self. Believe in it!"

Ensure that the feedback you provide is accurate, grounded in fact, and supportive. This feedback forms the crucial 20% in the development of a future leader.