The Day My Father Died

It’s a new year! As I’ve been writing bi-monthly articles for Treign Up now for about two years, sometimes I find it increasing difficult to get the ‘inspiration’ I need for the next article. Honestly, sometimes, a few themes will back up and I have the next two or three articles mapped out in my head. Other times, direction is a little hard to perceive and, like anyone who writes, the topical landscape runs dry. That was my situation going into writing the next article until this morning.

I have been spending the week on a spiritual retreat in Massanutten, VA. I am here alone. There are no distractions. This morning, I got a phone call from my sister telling me that my Dad passed away. After hanging up the phone, I paused to consider how I felt about this. I felt nothing.

If you’ve read our book “Boys Have a Dam Problem: Examining the Faults That Have Put Our Boys in Crisis”, you will know the story about my relationship with my father and the impact it had on my life. Suffice it to say here that he was not a good father. I’ll leave it at that. My reason for writing this article is not venting or vengeance.

We already know that many of the life-long problems that people experience are a result of father-less homes. In our book we examine the root problems of perpetual boyhood in our culture. At the top of the list was the absence of intentional fathers in the home. No other factor contributes more to the boy crisis than the lack of intentional fathers in the home. There are many reasons that fathers are not available to their children in the home. In Tyson’s book noted above, he lists five moving from harmful to ideal: Irresponsible, Ignorant, Inconsistent, Involved, and finally, the transformative Intentional Father who actively invests in his son’s character, courage, and spiritual journey, guiding them to manhood with purpose and legacy in mind. My father was Ignorant. Ignorance doesn’t excuse his behavior, it just labels it.

A boy who loses his father at a young age would struggle with grief. When I heard the news today, there was not sense of grief or sadness. It was relief; even release. An ignorant father can leave behind a boy struggling with trauma. The point is that, regardless of absence or presence a father who is not intentional leaves behind a boy who is scarred.

Fortunately, I knew someone who is really good at healing scars and HE is a GOOD FATHER.

I came to saving knowledge of Jesus when I was 12. Generally, the very idea of God being a GOOD Father was an oxymoron to me because the idea of a ‘father’ was not good. Looking back on it, I know that only the Holy Spirit could have helped me over that hurdle. But once there, I never looked back. The knowledge of God as a GOOD FATHER has gently evolved over the last fifty years of my life. The very notion that God is good was and has been the foundation of Satan’s attacks on mankind since the beginning of time: “If God doesn’t want you to be like Him, He must not be GOOD. How can you trust a Father who is NOT good?” Sound familiar? “How can such a GOOD God let bad things happen to people?” “Why would a GOOD God send people to Hell?” Oh, He must not be any GOOD at all.

But you can’t reconcile that with the likes of these verses from the Bible:

Nahum 1:7, The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.

Psalm 34:8, Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

James 1:17, Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Psalm 31:19k Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!

Mark 10:18, And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.

Psalm 119: 68, You are good and do good; teach me your statutes.

Psalm 145:9 The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.

1 Chronicles 16:34, Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!

And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

Psalm 107:1, Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!

1 Timothy 4:4, For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.

And you KNOW the truth when it has been experienced over and over again in your life. I don’t have just knowledge. I have KNOWING.

In Genesis 1:31, the Bible says that God looked at everything he had created and it was very good. There is not at artist alive who creates something that isn’t already in them. The nature of all art is a reflection of the artist. That is why the Bible says in Romans 1 that man is without excuse because all of creation (art) reflect the creator (God) and it was VERY GOOD.

No. Goodness is not only a byproduct of a loving Father. It is the essence of Father God. He is a GOOD FATHER. Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for GOOD for those who LOVE God and are called according to His purposes.

So, today my earthly father died. However, my Heavenly Father, who has been everything that my earthly father was not, is still alive and lives in me. He is working out ALL things for my good because He is a good, very good Father.

I am thankful.